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BDSM GLOSSARY OF TERMS
- 24/7: A gay relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.
- Animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the gay
sub entering the altered mind space of a different species, typically a dog,
pony or horse.
- Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper) during gay sex
- Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the
participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal
reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. GAY BDSM
often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to
engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more
- Age play: Usually referring to daddy/son play. Does not usually include
or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of
parent/child or teacher/student.
- Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the male anus.
- Animal Play: The male sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, pony,
- Auctioned off: Dominant gay master auctions off the slave boy to the
highest bidder (usually supervised and for temporary use).
- Bad pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM
practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often
quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain
is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Bad pain" is pain
which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not wished for, and
of limited or no value in this context.
- BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, gay Sadism/Masochism
- Black sheet party: A gay orgy for men into BDSM sex.
- Bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a gay partner. Bondage
typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a
particular body part, such as cock/balls bondage.
- Bottom: submissive gay male or one who gives up control, or simply one
who receives physical sensation from a gay top in a scene.
- Balls bondage: The act of tying mens balls so that they are either
flattened against the cock or so that they bulge.
- Breath Control: The dominant man controls the submissive's boys
- Butt plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. The
flared base allows for safe anal penetration. They come in a variety of
sizes; some can vibrate inside the ass.
- Chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a gay
guy is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at
the whim or choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a
chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is
controlled by means of a lock by the partner.
- CBT: Cock and ball torture
- Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned, usually (but certainly not
exclusively) in a loving intimate man to man relationship. A dominant may
have multiple persons collared. Also: a gay pup's status, as differentiated
from a "stray boy".
- Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dominant, of a sub's service, or
the "ownership" of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony when a
dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).
- Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm
- Consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined
limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and common sense,
consent will be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions
planned. As such, it is a show of trust and understanding and usually
undertaken only by male partners who know each other well, or otherwise
agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.
- Contract: A written-out agreement between the dominant & submissive gay
men. It can be either formal or non, and is usually written after much
negotiation by the dominant and the sub, outlining what structure,
guidelines, rules and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the
two men. It is not legally binding.
- DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who volunteers to supervise the
interactions between participants at a gay play party to ensure their
- Dom: Man who exercises control (from dominant-contrast with sub)
- Dominant Man who exercises control - contrast with submissive
- Domme: Woman who exercies control (see also Dominatrix)
- D/s: Dominance/submission
- Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with gay BDSM equipment and
- Edgeplay: SM play which pushes the limits of the persons involved. This
can be potentially dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, cutting,
or breath play, but often isn't dangerous with the proper skills and
- Endorphin rush: Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the "high"
people often get from activities such as hardcore sex, or high-risk sports,
and is the body's response to heightened or intense experiences of certain
kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation
play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their "payoff" to the
sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure that subdrop does
not occur afterwards as the body returns to normal.
- Erotic sexual denial: keeping another queer person aroused while
delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a
continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened
sensitivity. (see also tease and denial and chastity).
- Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or gay experience.
- Fire play: Using flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting instances
of flame on the skin of the mans bottom. Risk of injury is increased and the
top should be learned with fire play skills.
- Genitorture: Torture of the boy/mans genitals
- Good pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by gay
BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element
(often quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and
some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Good pain"
is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the
submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of enjoyment or
- Golden showers: Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another gay male.
- Korean: A sub-genre based upon the rituals and practices is based on
stereotypical gender based gay asian roles which is considered by many to be
in conflict with BDSM where there is freedom for either gender to act in any
role (Male/Female as either Dom/sub or Top/bottom)
- Gunplay: The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms into a
- Handkerchief codes: Visible signs to indicate to others gay men in your
area of BDSM interest
- Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do during male on male
sex, usually non-negotiable.
- Harem: A group of subs serving one or more dominants.
- Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips,
riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
- Infantilism: Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.
- K-9 roleplay: (see Pup-play).
- Knife play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and
points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays
a large part in the stimulus of the boy bottom.
- Limits: What someone "won't" do or is hesitant to do
- Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
- Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
- Master/slave: A consensual relationship in which one person receives
control (the gay Master) when given it by another (the slave) for mutual
benefit. An extreme form of D/s which usually involves a 24/7 relationship
rather than a short period of time (scene or perhaps a week end.) The gay
slave will usually accept a collar from their Master to show that they are
- Mummification: Immobilising the body by wrapping it up, usually with
multiple layers of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety
measures must be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or
at least the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent
by movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare
may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total
bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.
- Munch: A group of gay people that are into BDSM meeting at a "vanilla"
place. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This
weekend's munch is at gayboys"
- Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying
gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.
- Newbie: Someone new to BDSM.
- Nyotaimori: Human male sushi platters.
- OTK: Over the knee (male ass spanking).
- Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may
or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.
- play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes.
- ProDom: Male professional dominant (charges money) Ponyboy: Sub is
dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are
told to prance or behave like a pony.
- Pup-play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from
a bowl, etc. Such play is sexual, but also focuses on the altered mind-space
of bottom/pup and the complete dominance of his/her Trainer/Master.
- RACK - Risk Aware Gay Consensual Kink
- Rape fantasy, ravishment: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being
a victim to an act of consensual gay play-rape.
- Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
- Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.
- Safe, Sane and Consensual - SSC
- Safeword - When a participant utters a safeword, BDSM activity stops.
- Scat play: Faeces play
- Scene: A time period of BDSM activities. Also used to refer to the BDSM
community ("the Scene").
- Sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push people's sensory
limits, thus exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips,
- Session: A time period of BDSM activities with a ProDom/male.
- Service-oriented submission: A person who enjoys performing a service in
a sexual or BDSM environment
- slave (BDSM): A person (usually submissive) who consensually gives up
total control of one or more aspects of their life to another person (their
- Soft Limits: Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try.
They can sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be
negotiated at a trial or beginner level into a scene.
- Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms,
experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can
last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately
after the session.
- submissive, or "sub" for short. Person that gives up control either all
the time or for a specified period (Not to be confused with "bottom.")
- Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub (or bottom) gets during a scene or
when being controlled. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space,
and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is
critical that a Dom(me)/top take responsibility for the sub/bottom and be
aware of their sub's wellbeing if they are in subspace.
- switch: Someone who likes being both top and bottom, either in one scene
or on different occasions.
- Taken in hand: 24/7 Male dominance in monogamous marriage, with or
without BDSM gay aspects.
- Tease and denial: Keeping another gay person aroused while delaying or
preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of
anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see
also male orgasm denial).
- Tit torture: The act of causing deliberate physical pain to the males
- Top: Person "doing the action" (contrast with bottom - person receiving
the action.) Not to be confused with Dom which is the person who "puts the
scene together". A male Dom could enjoy CBT and tell a sub what they are to
do. In this case the Top is the submissive (following the direction of the
Dom) and the bottom is the Dom (receiving the attention of the top)
- Topping from the bottom: A gay bottom who purports to be a submissive
but who nonetheless wants to direct the male top.
- Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an
ongoing effort of the gay dominant teaching the submissive gay how to act.
- Vanilla: Someone who is not in the lifestyle. Alternatively, sexual
behaviour which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used
in a derogatory gay sense.
- Wannabe: Someone who thinks or claims to be knowledgeable about BDSM,
but is not. Especially prevalent with new dominants.
- WIITWD: What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of
gay alternative sexuality.
- Wax play: The top drips hot wax on the male slaves bottom.
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